Why we don’t settle for the next best thing

For the past couple of years, we’ve been living in a sea of uncertainty about our future. But the one thing that was never uncertain was that we’ll never settle for the next best thing. By virtue of our beliefs and the people we are–shaped by our unusual pasts and experiences–we’ve made some choices that we knew would raise eyebrows. However, we could’ve never foreseen that it would cause such a furore–that we’d have to choose between being our genuine selves, or to kill off the best part of us in order to please others and fit in.

Regret is, after all, the one thing that will chase all of us until our last breath

I’ve heard it being asked time and time again why, after all that we’ve been through, we don’t just take a step back and settle for the next best thing. While it’s true that my wife and I have had an insanely difficult time for the past four years (see this and this blog post), we know ourselves well enough that we would look back on this moment in time and wonder why we chose to become empty husks, all for the sake of not stirring the hornet’s nest. Regret is, after all, the one thing that will chase all of us until our last breath. That’s how we know that the temporary pain and setbacks we’ve been dealing with as of late won’t be in vain.

Now, I’m not judging anybody, and I recognise that some people simply don’t have any other choice due to circumstances or cultural expectations. However, we’re a bit of an outlier who’ve always been told we don’t fit in, and it’s only become more apparent the longer we’ve tried to build something here in our home country, Finland. And believe us, we’ve tried our utmost, but ultimately, we’re always going to be TCKs here, having either immigrated and naturalised (me), or left and come back (my wife). The impostor syndrome is real, fueled by being told that we’re doing things wrong and that we need to act more “culturally appropriate.”

We’re not going to make ourselves more mediocre just because we’re being told we’re “doing too much”

Taking paths lesser travelled is what we do best. With all of our experiences from having lived outside of Finland during our formative years or critical points in our lives, I also don’t blame anybody for not understanding why we seem to be choosing paths that lead to more difficulties. But as the saying goes, “a smooth sea never made a skillful sailor“–and we know that we’d stop learning, stop becoming better humans, and stop being open-minded from the very moment we start settling for the next-best thing, just to avoid conflict or to make someone else comfortable.

So no, we’re not going to hide our son with Down syndrome from other kids. We’re not going to just take any random job that doesn’t fit our skills or competences. We’re not going to make ourselves more mediocre just because we’re being told we’re “doing too much” and “making others look bad”. Because, in our world, and from our experiences, being allowed to be yourself should be the norm; it’s what drives humanity forward, and we can’t see ourselves continue being part of something that strives to homogenise us, stripping away our ability to be passionate in our calling.

Relighting our flame, so we can continue passing it on

We’re now very much looking forward to uprooting from our home country, and start afresh in a place (California) that doesn’t constantly remind us of how being ourselves is a detriment. We know that this relocation is not the final answer to our prayers, but it’s a great start that will help us re-discover who we are, relighting our flame, so we can continue passing it on.

Thank you, all of you who’ve cheered us on in our quest to redefining our lives–we couldn’t have done it without you!